venomous porridge
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Useless Statements Found in Yelp Reviews, Vol. 1

"It’s a little out of the way for me, so I probably wouldn’t go back too often."
— Chris H.

"[The waitress] was wearing old cut-off jeans, no makeup (she needed some) and just looked pretty slovenly"
— Lisa S.

"As for atmosphere, the fabric wall panels need some updating."
— Erin W.

"Rabbit in mustard sauce - didn’t try it."
— Tyler A.

"I went with my BFF and it was UFB. I read what someone else wrote in a review and was like WTF? …Anyway, I won’t tell u exactly what I had to eat cuz it is NOYB. LOL."
— Paul A.

"It kind of feels like you’re eating in a hip filing cabinet."
Aria S.

"The Orange Chicken is unlike anything I’ve ever tasted, very strong, probably very good to those who like orange chicken. I’m sort of not a fan so this particular preparation went into the garbage."
— Crystal W.

"I tried to not add more carts in my life right now because it just seemed complicated."
— Rob D.

"The pig intestine dish is exactly the same as the hot chicken bath, but with intestine."
— Mindy C.

"Great babe to biscuit ratio."
— Nicky T.

"If my hunger was a T-rex, eating this meal would be like shooting it in the face with a slingshot (Dennis the Menace-style, NOT David v. Goliath-style)."
Andrew H.

And our winner:

"They’ve gotten rid of the pus-cleavage girl, THANK GOD."
Saint P.

Compiled with Neven Mrgan's enthusiastic assistance.

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