- Sign up for Hulu Plus at $10/month.
- Get cozy with your iPad, all set to watch the Louies you’ve had in your Hulu queue for the past couple weeks.
- Discover that the Hulu Plus app has different content from hulu.com.
- That’s right: not more content. Different content.
- In particular, it doesn’t have Louie.
- Or anything else that was in your queue, or much of anything current that’s worth watching, really.
- Cancel Hulu Plus.
Look, TV executives. I get that you’re not prepared for online distribution. I get that. I mean, the Internet just got sprung on all of us a month ago — it’s not like it’s been around for forty years, in people’s homes for almost two decades, and capable of streaming high-quality video to mass audiences since, I don’t know, 2006. And I realize you have nothing to worry about, since there are no reports of hundreds of thousands of people dropping their cable subscriptions like rabid hamsters or anything.
And a television is clearly an entirely different thing from a computer — one is a box with a screen connected to a digital network, and the other is a box with a screen connected to a digital network and a keyboard (maybe) — so it makes perfect sense that you’d need different and separately-negotiated royalty and advertising structures, and these things take time to get right. Years and years and years and years, unsurprisingly.
But if I’m going to watch your shows online — which clearly doesn’t bother you since Hulu is able to exist at all — if I’m going to watch them and, more importantly, give my affluent, highly marketable attention to your ads — your obnoxious, intrusive, poorly-targeted ads — what fucking business is it of yours which device I choose to do that with?
Sirs: you are already shitting in my soup. Must you take away the spoon?